Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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