Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
