it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
