how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
