i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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