Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
