If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
