if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
