i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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