If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
