Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Randomize
