So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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