Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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