I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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