He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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