I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
