You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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