I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
