Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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