The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
