Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
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just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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