I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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