She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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