she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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