is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
