What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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