there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
