just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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