apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
