so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
