Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
