Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
