today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
