You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
