hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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