I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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