i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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