I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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