I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
