I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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