I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
