walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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