Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
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He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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