That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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