No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
