I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
