'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
