Screwed.edu
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
