So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
