Whod you bang
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
