genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
