So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just tell him i said nine months
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
