So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
