ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
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Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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