I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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