your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was not drunk enough for that final.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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