He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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