The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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