i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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