there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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