Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together