Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
