Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
