I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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