so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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