We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize