I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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