your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
