i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
