wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
