White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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