it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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