I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
