you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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