and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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